WHO KNOWS BEST:

~

It is our job to determine what's best for ourselves.

"I know what you need." …. "I know what you should do." … "Now
listen, this is what I think you should be working on right now."

These are audacious statements, beliefs that take us away from how
we operate on a spiritual plane of life. Each of us is given the ability
to be able to discern and detect our own path, on a daily basis. This
is not always easy. We may have to struggle to reach that quiet, still
place.

Giving advise, making decisions for others, mapping out their
strategy, is not our job. Nor is it their job to direct us. Even if we
have a clean contract with someone to help us – such as in a
sponsorship relationship – we cannot trust that others always know
what is best for us. We are responsible for listening to the
information that comes to us. We are responsible for asking for
guidance and direction. But it is our responsibility to sift and sort
through information, and then listen to ourselves about what is best
for us. Nobody can know that but ourselves.

A great gift we can give to others is to be able to trust in them –
that they have their own source of guidance and wisdom, that they
have the ability to discern what is best for them and the right to
find that path by making mistakes and learning.

To trust ourselves to be able to discover – through that same
imperfect process of struggle, trial, and error – is a great gift we
can give to ourselves.

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RECEIVING:

~

Here is an exercise.

Today, let someone give to you. Let someone do something nice for
you. Let someone give you a compliment or tell you something good
about yourself. Let someone help you.

Then stand there and take it. Take it in. Feel it. Know that you are
worthy and deserving. Do not apologize. Do not say, “You shouldn’t
have.” Do not feel guilty, afraid, ashamed, and panicky. Do not
immediately try to give something back.

Just say, “Thank you.”

Today, I will let myself receive one thing from someone else, and I
will let myself be comfortable with that.

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ACCEPTING CHANGE:

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One day, my mother and I were working together in the garden. We
were transplanting some plants for the third time. Grown from seed
in a small container, the plants had been transferred to a larger
container; then transplanted into the garden. Now, because I was
moving, we were transplanting them again.

Inexperienced as a gardener, I turned to my green-thumbed mother.
“Isn’t this bad for them?” I asked, as we dug them up and shook the
dirt from their roots. “Won’t it hurt these plants being uprooted and
transplanted so many times?”

“Oh, no,” my mother replied. “Transplanting doesn’t hurt them. In
fact, it’s good for the ones that survive. That’s how their roots grow
strong. Their roots will grow deep, and they’ll make strong plants.”

Often, I’ve felt like those small plants – uprooted and turned upside
down. Sometimes, I’ve endured the change willingly, sometimes
reluctantly, but usually my reaction has been a combination.

Won’t this be hard on me? I ask. Wouldn’t it be better if things
remained the same? That’s when I remember my mother’s words:
That’s how the roots grow deep and strong.


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GOD"S WILL:

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God’s will most often happens in spite of us, not because of us.

We may try to second guess what God has in mind for us, looking,
searching, hypervigilent to seek God’s will as though it were a
buried treasure, hidden beyond our reach. If we find it, we win the
prize. But if we’re not careful, we miss out.

That’s not how it works.

We may believe that we have to walk on eggshells, saying, thinking,
and feeling the right thing, while forcing ourselves somehow to be in
the right place at the right time to find God’s will. But that’s not true.

God’s will for us is not hidden like a buried treasure. We do not have
to control or force it. We do not have to walk on eggshells in order to
have it happen.

It is right there inside and around us. It is happening, right now.
Sometimes, it is quiet and uneventful and includes the daily
disciplines of responsibility and learning to take care of ourselves.
Sometimes, it is healing us when we’re in circumstances that trigger
old grieving and unfinished business.

Sometimes it’s grand.

We do have a part. We have responsibilities, including caring for
ourselves. But we do not have to control God’s will for us. We are
being taken care of. We are protected. And the Power caring for and
protecting us loves us very much.

If it is a quiet day, trust the stillness. If it is a day of action, trust the
activity. If it is time to wait, trust the pause. If it is time to receive
that which we have been waiting for, trust that it will happen clearly
and with power.

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HEALTHY LIMITS:

~

Boundaries are vital to recovery. Having and setting healthy limits
is connected to all phases of recovery: growing self-esteem, dealing
with feelings, and learning to really love and value ourselves.

Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to
letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what
we deserve.

As our thinking about this becomes clearer, so will our
boundaries. Boundaries are also connected to a Higher Timing
than our own. We'll set a limit when we're ready, and not a moment
before. So will others. There's something magical about reaching
that point of becoming ready to set a limit. We know we mean what
we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because
we're controlling others, but because we've changed.

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AT WORK:

~

Often, the spiritual and recovery lessons we're learning at work
reflect the lessons we're learning in other areas of our life.

Often, the systems we're attracted to in our working life are similar
to the systems in which we find ourselves living and loving.

If we search back over our work history, we will probably see that it
is a mirror of our issues, our growth. It most likely is now too.

For today, we can believe that we are right where we need to be – at
home and at work.

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LOVE:

~

Allowing ourselves to receive love is one of the greatest challenges
we face in recovery.

Many of us have blocked ourselves from receiving love. We may
have lived with people who used love to control us. They would be
there for us, but at the high price of our freedom. Love was given, or
withheld, to control us and have power over us.

At some point in recovery, we acknowledge that we, too, want and
need to be loved. We may feel awkward with this need. How can we
let others care for us without feeling trapped, abused, frightened,
and unable to care for ourselves?

We will learn. The starting point is surrender – to our desire to be
loved, our need to be nurtured and loved. We will grow confident in
our ability to take care of ourselves with people. We will feel safe
enough to let people care for us; we will grow to trust our ability to
choose people who are safe and who can give us love.

We may need to get angry first – angry that our needs have not
been met. Later, we can become grateful to those people who have
shown us what we don't want, the ones who have assisted us in the
process of believing we deserve love, and the ones who come into
our life to love us.

Surrender to the love that is there for us, to the love that people, the
Universe, and our Higher Power send our way.

Start by surrendering to love for yourself.

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