PAYOFFS:

~

Sometimes it helps to understand that we may be receiving a
payoff from relationships that cause us distress.

Maybe the relationship feeds our need to be needed, enhancing
our self-esteem by allowing us to feel in control or morally
superior to the other person.

Some of us feel alleviated from financial or other kinds of
responsibility by staying in a particular relationship.

"My father sexually abused me when I was a child," said one
women. "I went on to spend the next twenty years blackmailing
him emotionally and financially on this. I could get money from
him whenever I wanted, and I never had to take financial
responsibility for myself."

We can take responsibility for the part we may have played in
keeping ourselves victimized. When we are willing to look honestly
and fearlessly at the payoff and let it go, we will find the healing
we've been seeking.