WITHHOLDING:

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Sometimes, to protect ourselves, we close ourselves off from a person
we're in a relationship with. Our body may be present, but we're not.
We're not available to participate in the relationship.

Sometimes, it is appropriate and healthy to shut down in a
relationship. We may legitimately need some time out. Sometimes it
is self-defeating to close ourselves off in a relationship.

It is common to go through temporary periods of closing down in a
relationship. But it is unhealthy to make this an ongoing practice. It
may be one of our relationship sabotaging devices.

Do we need some time to deal? To heal? To grow? To sort through
things? Do we need time out from this relationship? Or are we
reverting to our old ways – hiding, running, and terminating
relationships because we are afraid we cannot take care of ourselves
in other ways?

Do we need to shut down because the other person truly isn't safe, is
manipulating, lying, or acting out addictively or abusively? Are we
shutting down because the other person has shut down and we no
longer want to be available?

Shutting down, shutting off, closing ourselves and removing our
emotional presence from a relationship is a powerful tool. We need to
use it carefully and responsibly. To achieve intimacy and closeness in
a relationship, we need to be present emotionally. We need to be
available.

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