INTIMACY:

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Sometimes we have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging
relationships. Some of us may instinctively terminate a relationship
once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy.

We may also zero in on one of the person's character defects, then
make it so big it's all we can see. We may withdraw, or push the
person away to create distance. We may start criticizing the other
person.

Sometimes, we hurt ourselves by trying to be close to people who
aren't available for intimacy – people with active addictions, or
people who don't choose to be close to us. Sometimes, we choose
people with particular faults so that when it comes time to be close,
we have an escape hatch.

In recovery, we're choosing to relate to safe, healthy people, so
closeness is a possibility. Closeness doesn't mean we have to lose
ourselves, or our life.

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