Tuesday, May 13, 2008

TOLERANCE:

~

Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what hurts us.
We may endure a particular situation, telling ourselves repeatedly
it's not that bad; we shouldn't be so demanding; it'll change any day;
we should be able to live with it; it doesn't annoy us; the other
person didn't really mean it; it doesn't hurt; maybe it's just us.

Often we will tolerate too much or so much that we become furious
and refuse to tolerate any more.

We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy boundaries and trusting ourselves to
own our power with people. We can work at shortening the time
between identifying a need to set a boundary, and taking clear,
direct action.

We aren't crazy. Some behaviors really do bug us. Some behaviors
really are inappropriate, annoying, hurtful, or abusive.

We don't have to feel guilty or apologize or explain ourselves after
we've set a boundary. We can learn to accept the awkwardness and
discomfort of setting boundaries with people. We can establish our
rights to have these limits. We can give the other person room to
have and explore his or her feelings; we can give ourselves room to
have our feelings – as we struggle to own our power and create
good, working relationships.

Once we can trust our ability to take care of ourselves, we will
develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others.

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