Saturday, November 29, 2008

GUILT:

~

“There’s a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use,”
said one recovering woman. “The other person does something
inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and
end up apologizing.”

It’s imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.

Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues.
Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our
boundaries. We challenge the behavior and the person gets angry
and defensive. Then we feel guilty.

Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in
our best interests, and in other people’s best interests. Guilt can stop
us from taking healthy care of ourselves.

We don’t have to let others count on the fact that we’ll always feel
guilty. We don’t have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt –
earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that
holds us back from self-care. Push. Push harder. We are not at fault,
crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on
appropriate treatment. We can separate another’s issues from our
issues, and let the person experience the consequences of his or her
own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when
our boundaries are being violated.

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