PAYOFFS:

~

Sometimes it helps to understand that we may be receiving a payoff
from relationships that cause us distress.

Maybe the relationship feeds our need to be needed, enhancing our
self-esteem by allowing us to feel in control or morally superior to
the other person.

Some of us feel alleviated from financial or other kinds of
responsibility by staying in a particular relationship.

"My father sexually abused me when I was a child," said one
women. "I went on to spend the next twenty years blackmailing him
emotionally and financially on this. I could get money from him
whenever I wanted, and I never had to take financial responsibility
for myself."

We can take responsibility for the part we may have played in
keeping ourselves victimized. When we are willing to look honestly
and fearlessly at the payoff and let it go, we will find the healing
we've been seeking.

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