Bill Says: (A Blog About Recovery)
Some thoughts about recovery. * Take what you like and leave the rest.
Friday, February 26, 2010
CONFLICT:
~
In a relationship, there are those wonderful times when things go
smoothly for both people. But there are those times when one
person is in crisis or changing – and we need to detach.
Then there are stressful cycles when both people in a relationship
are in the midst of dealing with intense issues.
There are times when detachment and taking care of ourselves are
difficult.
It is helpful, in these moments, to identify the problem.
Detachment is still the key, but that can be difficult when we need
support ourselves. In fact, the other person may be asking for
support rather than offering it.
We can still work toward detachment. We can accept this as a
temporary cycle in the relationship, and stop looking to the other
person for something he or she cannot give at the moment.
We can stop expecting ourselves to give at the moment as well.
Communication helps. Identifying the problem and talking about it
without blame or shame is a start. Figuring out alternative support
systems, or ways to get our needs met, helps.
We are still responsible for taking care of ourselves – even when we
are in the best of relationships. We can reasonably expect conflicts of
need and the clashing of issues to occur in the most loving, healthy
relationships.
It is one of the cycles of love, friendship, and family.
If it is a healthy relationship, the crises will not go on endlessly. We
will regain our balance. The other person will too.
Talk things out. Keep our expectations of ourselves, other people,
and our relationships healthy and reasonable.
A good relationship will be able to sustain and survive low points.
Sometimes we need them, so we can both grow and learn separately.
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