THE UNMANAGEABLE SIDE:

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By the time we get to the Fourth of the Twelve Steps, we are ready
to face our unmanageable side, the side that prevents us from loving
ourselves and others, from letting others love us, and from enjoying
life. One of the purposes of Step Four is not to make ourselves feel
worse; our purpose is to start to remove our blocks to joy and love.
We also can't forget to search for our positive traits as well.

We look for fears, anger, hurt, and shame from past events
– buried feelings that may be affecting our life today. We search for
subconscious beliefs about ourselves and others that may be
interfering with the quality of our relationships. These beliefs say:
I'm not lovable … I'm a burden to those around me … People can't
be trusted … I can't be trusted … I don't deserve to be happy and
successful … Life isn't worth living. We look at our behaviors and
patterns with an eye toward discerning the self-defeating ones.
With love and compassion for ourselves, we try to unearth all our
guilt – earned and unearned – and expose it to the light.

We can perform this examination without fear of what we shall
find, because this soul-searching can cleanse us and help us feel
better about ourselves than we ever dreamt possible.

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