Some thoughts about recovery. * Take what you like and leave the rest.
I had been so strong, so brave, so trusting for so long. I was a singleparent with two children, recently divorced. I had worked socourageously at being grateful for what I had, while setting financialgoals and working at believing I deserved the best.
I had put up with so much poverty, so much deprivation. Daily, Iworked the Eleventh Step. I worked so hard at praying forknowledge of God's will for me only, and the power to carry itthrough. I was doing my best, working my hardest.
And there just wasn't enough money. Life had been a struggle inmany ways, but the financial struggle seemed endless.
Money isn't everything, but it takes money to solve certainproblems. I was sick of "letting go" and "letting go" and "letting go."I was sick of "acting as if" I had enough money. I was tired of havingto work so hard daily at letting go of the pain and fear about nothaving enough. I was tired of working so hard at being happywithout having enough. Actually, most of the time I was happy. Ihad found my soul in poverty. But now that I had my soul and myself, I wanted some money too.
While I sat in the car trying to compose myself, I heard God speakto me in that silent, still voice that whispers gently to our souls.
"You don't ever have to worry about money again, child. Notunless you want to. I told you that I would take care of you. And Iwill."
Great, I thought. Thanks a lot. I believe you. I trust you. But lookaround. I have no money. I have no food. You've let me down.
Again I heard His voice in my soul: "You don't have to worryabout money again. You don't have to be afraid. I promised tomeet all your needs."
I went home, called a friend, and asked to borrow some money. Ihated borrowing, but I had no choice. My breakdown in the car wasa release, but it didn't solve a thing – that day. There was no checkin the mailbox.
But I got food for the day. And the next day. And the next. Withinsix months, my income doubled. Within nine months, it tripled.Since that day, I have had hard times, but I have never had to gowithout – not for more than a moment in time.
Now, I have enough. Sometimes I still worry about money becausethat seems to be habitual. But now I know I don't have to, and Iknow I never did.
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