GRIEF PROCESS:

To let ourselves wholly grieve our losses is how we surrender to the
process of life and recovery. Some experts, call the Twelve Steps "a
program for dealing with our losses, a program for dealing with our
grief."

How do we grieve? Awkwardly. Imperfectly. Usually with a great
deal of resistance. Often with anger and attempts to negotiate.

The grief process, is a five-stage process: denial, anger, bargaining,
sadness, and, finally, acceptance. That's how we grieve; that's how
we accept; that's how we forgive; that's how we respond to the
many changes life throws our way.

Although this five-step process looks tidy on paper, it is not tidy in
life. We do not move through it in a compartmentalized manner.
We usually flounder through, kicking and screaming, with much
back-and-forth movement – until we reach that peace state called
acceptance.

When we talk about "unfinished business" from our past, we are
usually referring to losses about which we have not completed
grieving, We're talking about being stuck somewhere in the grief
process. Usually, for adult children and codependents, the place
where we become stuck is denial. Passing through denial is the first
and most dangerous stage of grieving, but it is also the first step
toward acceptance.

We can learn to understand the grief process and how it applies to
recovery. Even good changes in recovery can bring loss and,
consequently, grief. We can learn to help ourselves and others by
understanding and becoming familiar with this process. We can
learn to fully grieve our losses, feel our pain, accept, and forgive, so
we can feel joy and love.

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