CONFLICTS:

Problems and conflicts are part of life and relationships – with
friends, family, loved ones, and at work.

Not being willing to tackle and solve problems in relationships
leads to unresolved feelings of anger and victimization, terminated
relationships, unresolved problems, and power plays that intensify
the problem and waste time and energy.

Some problems with people cannot be worked out in mutually
satisfactory ways. Sometimes the problem is a boundary issue we
have, and there is not room to negotiate. In that case, we need to
clearly understand what we want and need and what our bottom
line is.

Some problems with people, though, can be worked out, worked
through, and satisfactorily negotiated.

To negotiate problems, we must be willing to identify the problem,
let go of blame and shame, and focus on possible creative solutions.

We need to learn to identify what both people really want and need
and the different possibilities for working it out. We can learn to be
flexible without being to flexible. Committed, intimate relationships
mean two people are learning to work together through their
problems and conflicts in ways that work in both people's best
interest.

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