WITHHOLDING:

Sometimes, to protect ourselves, we close
ourselves off from a person we're in a
relationship with. Our body may be present,
but we're not. We're not available to
participate in the relationship.

Sometimes, it is appropriate and healthy to
shut down in a relationship. We may
legitimately need some time out. Sometimes
it is self-defeating to close ourselves off in a
relationship.

It is common to go through temporary
periods of closing down in a relationship. But
it is unhealthy to make this an ongoing
practice. It may be one of our relationship
sabotaging devices.

Do we need some time to deal? To heal? To
grow? To sort through things? Do we need
time out from this relationship? Or are we
reverting to our old ways – hiding, running,
and terminating relationships because we are
afraid we cannot take care of ourselves in
other ways?

Do we need to shut down because the other
person truly isn't safe, is manipulating, lying,
or acting out addictively or abusively? Are
we shutting down because the other person
has shut down and we no longer want to be

available?

Shutting down, shutting off, closing
ourselves and removing our emotional

presence from a relationship is a powerful
tool. We need to use it carefully and
responsibly. To achieve intimacy and
closeness in a relationship, we need to be
present emotionally. We need to be available.

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