CONFLICT:

In a relationship, there are those

wonderful times when things go
smoothly for both people. But there
are those times when one person is
in crisis or changing – and we need
to detach.

Then there are stressful cycles when
both people in a relationship are in
the midst of dealing with intense
issues.

There are times when detachment and
taking care of ourselves are difficult.

It is helpful, in these moments, to
identify the problem.

Detachment is still the key, but that
can be difficult when we need support

ourselves. In fact, the other person
may be asking for support rather than

offering it.

We can still work toward detachment.
We can accept this as a temporary
cycle in the relationship, and stop
looking to the other person for
something he or she cannot give at
the moment.

We can stop expecting ourselves to
give at the moment as well.

Communication helps. Identifying
the problem and talking about it
without blame or shame is a start.
Figuring out alternative support
systems, or ways to get our needs
met, helps.

We are still responsible for taking
care of ourselves – even when we
are in the best of relationships. We
can reasonably expect conflicts of
need and the clashing of issues to
occur in the most loving, healthy
relationships.

It is one of the cycles of love,
friendship, and family.

If it is a healthy relationship, the
crises will not go on endlessly. We
will regain our balance. The other
person will too. Talk things out. Keep
our expectations of ourselves, other
people, and our relationships healthy
and reasonable.

A good relationship will be able to
sustain and survive low points.
Sometimes we need them, so we can
both grow and learn separately.

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