PAYOFFS:

Sometimes it helps to understand that
we may be receiving a payoff from

relationships that cause us distress.

Maybe the relationship feeds our need
to be needed, enhancing our
self-esteem by allowing us to feel in
control or morally superior to the
other person.

Some of us feel alleviated from
financial or other kinds of
responsibility by staying in a
particular relationship.

"My father sexually abused me when
I was a child," said one women. "I
went on to spend the next twenty
years blackmailing him emotionally
and financially on this. I could get
money from him whenever I wanted,
and I never had to take financial
responsibility for myself."

We can take responsibility for the
part we may have played in keeping

ourselves victimized. When we are
willing to look honestly and
fearlessly at the payoff and let it go,
we will find the healing we've been
seeking.

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