GRIEF PROCESS:

To let ourselves wholly grieve our losses is how
we surrender to the process of life and recovery.
Some experts, call the Twelve Steps "a program
for dealing with our losses, a program for
dealing with our grief."

How do we grieve? Awkwardly. Imperfectly.
Usually with a great deal of resistance. Often
with anger and attempts to negotiate.

The grief process, is a five-stage process: denial,
anger, bargaining, sadness, and, finally,
acceptance. That's how we grieve; that's how we
accept; that's how we forgive; that's how we
respond to the many changes life throws our way.

Although this five-step process looks tidy on
paper, it is not tidy in life. We do not move
through it in a compartmentalized manner. We
usually flounder through, kicking and screaming,
with much back-and-forth movement – until we

reach that peace state called acceptance.

When we talk about "unfinished business" from
our past, we are usually referring to losses about
which we have not completed grieving, We're
talking about being stuck somewhere in the grief
process. Usually, for adult children and
codependents, the place where we become stuck
is denial. Passing through denial is the first and
most dangerous stage of grieving, but it is also
the first step toward acceptance.

We can learn to understand the grief process and
how it applies to recovery. Even good changes
in recovery can bring loss and, consequently,
grief. We can learn to help ourselves and others
by understanding and becoming familiar with

this process. We can learn to fully grieve our
losses, feel our pain, accept, and forgive, so we
can feel joy and love.

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