Wednesday, July 23, 2014

TOLERANCE:


Many of us are skilled at denying and
discounting what hurts us. We may endure a
particular situation, telling ourselves
repeatedly it's not that bad; we shouldn't be so
demanding; it'll change any day; we should
be able to live with it; it doesn't annoy us; the
other person didn't really mean it; it doesn't
hurt; maybe it's just us.

Often we will tolerate too much or so much
that we become furious and refuse to tolerate
any more.

We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy boundaries and
trusting ourselves to own our power with
people. We can work at shortening the time
between identifying a need to set a boundary,
and taking clear, direct action.

We aren't crazy. Some behaviors really do bug
us. Some behaviors really are inappropriate,
annoying, hurtful, or abusive.

We don't have to feel guilty or apologize or
explain ourselves after we've set a boundary.
We can learn to accept the awkwardness and
discomfort of setting boundaries with people.
We can establish our rights to have these limits.
We can give the other person room to have and
explore his or her feelings; we can give
ourselves room to have our feelings – as we
struggle to own our power and create good,
working relationships.

Once we can trust our ability to take care of
ourselves, we will develop healthy reasonable
tolerance of others.

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