LOVE, IN WORDS AND ACTIONS:

Many of us were loved and cared for by
people who had discrepancies between

what they said and did.

We may have had a mother or father who
said, "I love you" to us, and then
abandoned or neglected us, giving us
confused ideas about love.

Some of us may have been cared for by
people who provided for our needs and

said they loved us, but simultaneously
abused or mistreated us.

We may learn to love others or ourselves
the way we have been loved, or we may

let others love us the way we have been
loved. It's time to let our needs be met in
ways that actually work. Unhealthy love
may meet some surface needs, but not
our need to be loved.

We can come to expect congruency in
behavior from others. We can diminish
the impact of words alone and insist that
behavior and words match.

We can find the courage, when
appropriate, to confront discrepancies in
words and actions – not to shame, blame,
or find fault, but to help us stay in touch

with reality and with our needs.

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