Bill Says: (A Blog About Recovery): POWERLESSNESS:

Since I've been a child, I've been in an
antagonistic relationship with an

important emotional part of myself: my
feelings. I have consistently tried to

either ignore, repress, or force my
feelings away.

I've denied I was angry, when in fact I
was furious. I have told myself there

must be something wrong with me for
feeling angry, when anger was a
reasonable and logical response to the
situation.

The problem was that I had already
been too understanding of the other
person and not understanding and
compassionate enough with myself.

It has not just been the large feelings I
have been at war with; I have been

battling the whole emotional aspect of
myself. I have tried to use spiritual

energy, mental energy, and even
physical exertion to not feel what I
need to feel to be healthy and alive.

I didn't succeed at my attempts to
control emotions. Emotional control has

been a survival behavior for me. I can
thank that behavior for helping me get

through many years and situations
where I didn't have any better options.
But I have learned a healthier behavior
– accepting my feelings.

We are meant to feel. Part of our
dysfunction is trying to deny or change

that. Part of our recovery means
learning to go with the flow of what
we're feeling and what our feelings are
trying to tell us.

We are responsible for our behaviors,
but we do not have to control our

feelings. We can let them happen. We
can learn to embrace, enjoy, and

experience – feel – the emotional part
of ourselves.

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Bill Says: (A Blog About Recovery)