Bill Says: (A Blog About Recovery)
Some thoughts about recovery. * Take what you like and leave the rest.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
GUILT:
“There’s a good trick that
people in dysfunctional
relationships use,” said one
recovering woman. “The
other person does something
inappropriate or wrong, then
stands there until you feel
guilty and end up
apologizing.”
It’s imperative that we stop
feeling so guilty.
Much of the time, the things
we feel guilty about are not
our issues. Another person
behaves inappropriately or in
some way violates our
boundaries. We challenge the
behavior and the person gets
angry and defensive. Then
we feel guilty.
Guilt can prevent us from
setting the boundaries that
would be in our best interests,
and in other people’s best
interests. Guilt can stop us
from taking healthy care of
ourselves.
We don’t have to let others
count on the fact that we’ll
always feel guilty. We don’t
have to allow ourselves to be
controlled by guilt – earned
or unearned! We can break
through the barrier of guilt
that holds us back from
self-care. Push. Push harder.
We are not at fault, crazy, or
wrong. We have a right to
set boundaries and to insist
on appropriate treatment. We
can separate another’s issues
from our issues, and let the
person experience the
consequences of his or her
own behavior, including guilt.
We can trust ourselves to
know when our boundaries
are being violated.
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WRH
Semi-Retired
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