POWER:

There is one feeling we need to
pay particular attention to in
recovery: feeling victimized.
We do not need to become
comfortable with that feeling.

How do we feel when we’ve
been victimized? Helpless.
Rageful. Powerless. Frustrated.

Feeling victimized is
dangerous. Often, it can prompt
us into addictive or other
compulsive behaviors.

In recovery, we’re learning to
identify when we’re feeling
victimized, when we are actually
being victimized. And why
we’re feeling victimized. We’re
learning to own our power, to
take care of ourselves, and to
remove ourselves as victims.

Sometimes, owning our power
means we realize we are
victimizing ourselves – and
others are not doing anything
to hurt us. They are living their
lives, as they have a right to,
and we are feeling victimized
because we’re unreasonably
expecting them to take care of
us. We may feel victimized if
we get stuck in a codependent
belief, such as, Other people
make me feel … Others hold
the key to my happiness and
destiny … or, I can’t be happy
unless another behaves in a
particular way, or a certain
event takes place.

Other times, owning our power
means we realize that we are
being victimized by another’s
behavior. Our boundaries are
being invaded. In that case, we
figure out what we need to do
to take care of ourselves to
stop the victimization; we need
to set boundaries.

Sometimes, a change of attitude
is all that’s required. We are not
victims.

We strive to have compassion
for the person who victimized
us, but understand that
compassion often comes later,
after we’ve removed ourselves
as victims in body, mind, and
spirit. We also understand that
too much compassion can put
us right back into the victim
slot. Too much pity for a
person who is victimizing us
may set up a situation where
the person can victimize us
again.

We try not to force
consequences or crises upon
another person, but we also do
not rescue that person from
logical consequences of his or
her behavior. If there is a part
that is our responsibility to
play in delivering those
consequences we do our part
– not to control or punish, but
to be responsible for
ourselves and to others.

We try to figure out what we
may be doing that is causing
us to feel victimized, or what
part we are playing in the
system, and we stop doing that
too. We are powerless over
others and their behavior, but
we can own our power to
remove ourselves as victims.

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