WITHHOLDING:

Sometimes, to protect ourselves, we close
ourselves off from a person we're in a
relationship with. Our body may be
present, but we're not. We're not available
to participate in the relationship.

Sometimes, it is appropriate and healthy to
shut down in a relationship. We may
legitimately need some time out.
Sometimes it is self-defeating to close

ourselves off in a relationship.

It is common to go through temporary
periods of closing down in a

relationship. But it is unhealthy to
make this an ongoing practice. It may be

one of our relationship sabotaging
devices.

Do we need some time to deal? To heal?
To grow? To sort through things? Do we

need time out from this relationship? Or
are we reverting to our old ways – hiding,
running, and terminating relationships
because we are afraid we cannot

take care of ourselves in other ways?

Do we need to shut down because the
other person truly isn't safe, is

manipulating, lying, or acting out
addictively or abusively? Are we
shutting down because the other
person has shut down and we no longer
want to be available?

Shutting down, shutting off, closing
ourselves and removing our emotional

presence from a relationship is a
powerful tool. We need to use it
carefully and responsibly. To achieve
intimacy and closeness in a relationship,
we need to be present emotionally. We
need to be available.

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