CONFLICT:

In a relationship, there are those wonderful times when things
go smoothly for both people. But there are those times when
one person is in crisis or changing – and we need to detach.

Then there are stressful cycles when both people in a
relationship are in the midst of dealing with intense issues.

There are times when detachment and taking care of ourselves
are difficult.

It is helpful, in these moments, to identify the problem.

Detachment is still the key, but that can be difficult when we
need support ourselves. In fact, the other person may be asking
for support rather than offering it.

We can still work toward detachment. We can accept this as a
temporary cycle in the relationship, and stop looking to the
other person for something he or she cannot give at the moment.

We can stop expecting ourselves to give at the moment as well.

Communication helps. Identifying the problem and talking
about it without blame or shame is a start. Figuring out alternative
support systems, or ways to get our needs met, helps.

We are still responsible for taking care of ourselves – even when
we are in the best of relationships. We can reasonably expect
conflicts of need and the clashing of issues to occur in the most
loving, healthy relationships.

It is one of the cycles of love, friendship, and family.

If it is a healthy relationship, the crises will not go on endlessly.
We will regain our balance. The other person will too. Talk things
out. Keep our expectations of ourselves, other people, and our

relationships healthy and reasonable.

A good relationship will be able to sustain and survive low points.
Sometimes we need them, so we can both grow and learn separately.

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