GRIEF PROCESS:

To let ourselves wholly grieve our losses is how we
surrender to the process of life and recovery. Some experts,
call the Twelve Steps "a program for dealing with our losses,
a program for dealing with our grief."

How do we grieve? Awkwardly. Imperfectly. Usually with a
great deal of resistance. Often with anger and attempts to
negotiate.

The grief process, is a five-stage process: denial, anger,
bargaining, sadness, and, finally, acceptance. That's how we
grieve; that's how we accept; that's how we forgive; that's
how we respond to the many changes life throws our way.

Although this five-step process looks tidy on paper, it is not
tidy in life. We do not move through it in a compartmentalized
manner. We usually flounder through, kicking and screaming,
with much back-and-forth movement – until we reach that
peace state called acceptance.

When we talk about "unfinished business" from our past, we
are usually referring to losses about which we have not
completed grieving, We're talking about being stuck
somewhere in the grief process. Usually, for adult children

and codependents, the place where we become stuck is denial.
Passing through denial is the first and most dangerous stage
of grieving, but it is also the first step toward acceptance.

We can learn to understand the grief process and how it
applies to recovery. Even good changes in recovery can bring
loss and, consequently, grief. We can learn to help ourselves
and others by understanding and becoming familiar with

this process. We can learn to fully grieve our losses, feel our
pain, accept, and forgive, so we can feel joy and love.

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