TOLERANCE:

Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what
hurts us. We may endure a particular situation, telling
ourselves repeatedly it's not that bad; we shouldn't be so
demanding; it'll change any day; we should be able to live

with it; it doesn't annoy us; the other person didn't really
mean it; it doesn't hurt; maybe it's just us.

Often we will tolerate too much or so much that we become
furious and refuse to tolerate any more.

We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy boundaries and trusting
ourselves to own our power with people. We can work at
shortening the time between identifying a need to set a boundary,
and taking clear, direct action.

We aren't crazy. Some behaviors really do bug us. Some
behaviors really are inappropriate, annoying, hurtful, or abusive.

We don't have to feel guilty or apologize or explain ourselves
after we've set a boundary. We can learn to accept the
awkwardness and discomfort of setting boundaries with people.
We can establish our rights to have these limits. We can give the
other person room to have and explore his or her feelings; we can

give ourselves room to have our feelings – as we struggle to own
our power and create good, working relationships.

Once we can trust our ability to take care of ourselves, we will
develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others.

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