POWER:

There is one feeling we need to pay particular attention to in
recovery: feeling victimized. We do not need to become
comfortable with that feeling.

How do we feel when we’ve been victimized? Helpless. Rageful.
Powerless. Frustrated.

Feeling victimized is dangerous. Often, it can prompt us into
addictive or other compulsive behaviors.

In recovery, we’re learning to identify when we’re feeling
victimized, when we are actually being victimized. And why we’re
feeling victimized. We’re learning to own our power, to take care of
ourselves, and to remove ourselves as victims.

Sometimes, owning our power means we realize we are victimizing
ourselves – and others are not doing anything to hurt us. They are
living their lives, as they have a right to, and we are feeling
victimized because we’re unreasonably expecting them to take
care of us. We may feel victimized if we get stuck in a codependent
belief, such as, Other people make me feel … Others hold the key
to my happiness and destiny … or, I can’t be happy unless another
behaves in a particular way, or a certain event takes place.

Other times, owning our power means we realize that we are being
victimized by another’s behavior. Our boundaries are being
invaded. In that case, we figure out what we need to do to take
care of ourselves to stop the victimization; we need to set
boundaries.

Sometimes, a change of attitude is all that’s required. We are not
victims.

We strive to have compassion for the person who victimized us, but
understand that compassion often comes later, after we’ve
removed ourselves as victims in body, mind, and spirit. We also
understand that too much compassion can put us right back into
the victim slot. Too much pity for a person who is victimizing us
may set up a situation where the person can victimize us again.

We try not to force consequences or crises upon another person,
but we also do not rescue that person from logical consequences of
his or her behavior. If there is a part that is our responsibility to
play in delivering those consequences we do our part – not to
control or punish, but to be responsible for ourselves and to others.

We try to figure out what we may be doing that is causing us to feel
victimized, or what part we are playing in the system, and we stop
doing that too. We are powerless over others and their behavior,
but we can own our power to remove ourselves as victims.

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