GRIEF PROCESS:

To let ourselves wholly grieve our losses is how we
surrender to the process of life and recovery. Some
experts, call the Twelve Steps "a program for dealing
with our losses, a program for dealing with our grief."

How do we grieve? Awkwardly. Imperfectly. Usually
with a great deal of resistance. Often with anger and
attempts to negotiate.

The grief process, is a five-stage process: denial, anger,
bargaining, sadness, and, finally, acceptance. That's how
we grieve; that's how we accept; that's how we forgive;
that's how we respond to the many changes life throws
our way.

Although this five-step process looks tidy on paper, it is
not tidy in life. We do not move through it in a
compartmentalized manner. We usually flounder through,
kicking and screaming, with much back-and-forth
movement – until we reach that peace state called
acceptance.

When we talk about "unfinished business" from our past,
we are usually referring to losses about which we have not
completed grieving, We're talking about being stuck
somewhere in the grief process. Usually, for adult children
and codependents, the place where we become stuck is
denial. Passing through denial is the first and most
dangerous stage of grieving, but it is also the first step
toward acceptance.

We can learn to understand the grief process and how it
applies to recovery. Even good changes in recovery can
bring loss and, consequently, grief. We can learn to help
ourselves and others by understanding and becoming
familiar with this process. We can learn to fully grieve
our losses, feel our pain, accept, and forgive, so we can
feel joy and love.

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