WITHHOLDING:

Sometimes, to protect ourselves, we close
ourselves off from a person we're in a
relationship with. Our body may be present, but
we're not. We're not available to participate in
the relationship.

Sometimes, it is appropriate and healthy to shut
down in a relationship. We may legitimately need
some time out. Sometimes it is self-defeating to
close ourselves off in a relationship.

It is common to go through temporary periods of
closing down in a relationship. But it is unhealthy
to make this an ongoing practice. It may be one
of our relationship sabotaging devices.

Do we need some time to deal? To heal? To
grow? To sort through things? Do we need time
out from this relationship? Or are we reverting to
our old ways – hiding, running, and terminating
relationships because we are afraid we cannot
take care of ourselves in other ways?

Do we need to shut down because the other
person truly isn't safe, is manipulating, lying, or
acting out addictively or abusively? Are we
shutting down because the other person has shut
down and we no longer want to be available?

Shutting down, shutting off, closing ourselves
and removing our emotional presence from a
relationship is a powerful tool. We need to use
it carefully and responsibly. To achieve intimacy
and closeness in a relationship, we need to be
present emotionally. We need to be available.

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