INTIMACY:

Sometimes we have deeply ingrained patterns for
sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instinctively
terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of
closeness and intimacy.

We may also zero in on one of the person's character
defects, then make it so big it's all we can see. We may
withdraw, or push the person away to create distance.
We may start criticizing the other person.

Sometimes, we hurt ourselves by trying to be close to
people who aren't available for intimacy – people with
active addictions, or people who don't choose to be close
to us. Sometimes, we choose people with particular faults

so that when it comes time to be close, we have an
escape hatch.

In recovery, we're choosing to relate to safe, healthy
people, so closeness is a possibility. Closeness doesn't
mean we have to lose ourselves, or our life.

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