Tuesday, March 26, 2013

CONFLICT:



In a relationship, there are those wonderful times
when things go smoothly for both people. But there
are those times when one person is in crisis or
changing – and we need to detach.

Then there are stressful cycles when both people in
a relationship are in the midst of dealing with
intense issues.

There are times when detachment and taking care
of ourselves are difficult.

It is helpful, in these moments, to identify the
problem.

Detachment is still the key, but that can be difficult
when we need support ourselves. In fact, the other
person may be asking for support rather than
offering it.

We can still work toward detachment. We can
accept this as a temporary cycle in the
relationship, and stop looking to the other person
for something he or she cannot give at the moment.

We can stop expecting ourselves to give at the
moment as well.

Communication helps. Identifying the problem and
talking about it without blame or shame is a start.
Figuring out alternative support systems, or ways
to get our needs met, helps.

We are still responsible for taking care of ourselves
– even when we are in the best of relationships. We
can reasonably expect conflicts of need and the
clashing of issues to occur in the most loving, healthy
relationships.

It is one of the cycles of love, friendship, and family.

If it is a healthy relationship, the crises will not go on
endlessly. We will regain our balance. The other
person will too.

Talk things out. Keep our expectations of ourselves,
other people, and our relationships healthy and
reasonable.

A good relationship will be able to sustain and survive
low points. Sometimes we need them, so we can
both grow and learn separately.

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