Thursday, March 14, 2013

DENIAL:




I've used denial many times. It has been a defense, a
survival device, a coping behavior, and, at times,
almost my undoing. It has been both a friend and an
enemy.

When I was a child, I used denial to protect myself
and my family. Denial got me safely through many
traumatic situations, when I had no other resources
for survival.

The negative aspect of using denial was that I lost
touch with myself and my feelings. I became able to
participate in harmful situations without even knowing
I was hurting.

There was so much denial from my past that had the
blanket been entirely ripped from me, I would have
died from the shock of exposure.

When the winds of change blow through, upsetting a
familiar structure and preparing me for the new, I
pick up my blanket and hide, for a while. Sometimes,
when someone I love has a problem, I hide under the
blanket, momentarily. Memories emerge of things
denied, memories that need to be remembered, felt,
and accepted so I can continue to become healed.

Then something happens, and I see that I am moving
forward. The experience was necessary, connected,
not at all a mistake, but an important part of healing.

It isn't my job to run around ripping people's blankets
off or shaming others for using the blanket. Shaming
makes them colder, makes them wrap themselves
more tightly in the blanket. Yanking their blanket
away is dangerous. They could die of exposure, the
same way I could have.

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