Sunday, May 19, 2013

GRIEF PROCESS:


To let ourselves wholly grieve our losses
is how we surrender to the process of life
and recovery. Some experts, call the
Twelve Steps "a program for dealing with
our losses, a program for dealing with our
grief."

How do we grieve? Awkwardly.
Imperfectly. Usually with a great deal of
resistance. Often with anger and attempts
to negotiate.

The grief process, is a five-stage process:
denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and,
finally, acceptance. That's how we grieve;
that's how we accept; that's how we
forgive; that's how we respond to the
many changes life throws our way.

Although this five-step process looks tidy
on paper, it is not tidy in life. We do not
move through it in a compartmentalized
manner. We usually flounder through,
kicking and screaming, with much
back-and-forth movement – until we
reach that peace state called acceptance.

When we talk about "unfinished
business" from our past, we are usually
referring to losses about which we have
not completed grieving, We're talking
about being stuck somewhere in the grief
process. Usually, for adult children and
codependents, the place where we become
stuck is denial. Passing through denial is
the first and most dangerous stage of
grieving, but it is also the first step toward
acceptance.

We can learn to understand the grief
process and how it applies to recovery.
Even good changes in recovery can bring
loss and, consequently, grief. We can learn
to help ourselves and others by
understanding and becoming familiar with
this process. We can learn to fully grieve
our losses, feel our pain, accept, and forgive,
so we can feel joy and love.

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