DENIAL:

I've used denial many times. It has been a
defense, a survival device, a coping behavior,
and, at times, almost my undoing. It has been
both a friend and an enemy.

When I was a child, I used denial to protect
myself and my family. Denial got me safely
through many traumatic situations, when I
had no other resources for survival.

The negative aspect of using denial was that I
lost touch with myself and my feelings. I
became able to participate in harmful situations
without even knowing I was hurting. There was
so much denial from my past that had the
blanket been entirely ripped from me, I would
have died from the shock of exposure.

When the winds of change blow through,
upsetting a familiar structure and preparing me
for the new, I pick up my blanket and hide, for a
while. Sometimes, when someone I love has a
problem, I hide under the blanket, momentarily.
Memories emerge of things denied, memories
that need to be remembered, felt, and accepted
so I can continue to become healed.

Then something happens, and I see that I am
moving forward. The experience was necessary,
connected, not at all a mistake, but an important
part of healing.

It isn't my job to run around ripping people's
blankets off or shaming others for using the
blanket. Shaming makes them colder, makes

them wrap themselves more tightly in the blanket.
Yanking their blanket away is dangerous. They

could die of exposure, the same way I could have.

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