TOLERANCE:

Many of us are skilled at denying and
discounting what hurts us. We may
endure a particular situation, telling
ourselves repeatedly it's not that bad;
we shouldn't be so demanding; it'll
change any day; we should be able to
live with it; it doesn't annoy us; the
other person didn't really mean it; it

doesn't hurt; maybe it's just us.

Often we will tolerate too much or so
much that we become furious and
refuse to tolerate any more.

We can learn to develop healthy
tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy
boundaries and trusting ourselves to
own our power with people. We can
work at shortening the time between
identifying a need to set a boundary,
and taking clear, direct action.

We aren't crazy. Some behaviors
really do bug us. Some behaviors
really are inappropriate, annoying,
hurtful, or abusive.

We don't have to feel guilty or
apologize or explain ourselves after
we've set a boundary. We can learn to
accept the awkwardness and
discomfort of setting boundaries with
people. We can establish our rights to
have these limits. We can give the
other person room to have and
explore his or her feelings; we can

give ourselves room to have our
feelings – as we struggle to own our
power and create good, working
relationships.

Once we can trust our ability to take
care of ourselves, we will develop

healthy reasonable tolerance of others.

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