GUILT:

“There’s a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships
use,” said one recovering woman. “The other person does
something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel
guilty and end up apologizing.”

It’s imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.

Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues.
Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates
our boundaries. We challenge the behavior and the person gets
angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.

Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in
our best interests, and in other people’s best interests. Guilt can
stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.

We don’t have to let others count on the fact that we’ll always feel
guilty. We don’t have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt –
earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that
holds us back from self-care. Push. Push harder. We are not at
fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to
insist on appropriate treatment. We can separate another’s issues
from our issues, and let the person experience the consequences of
his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to
know when our boundaries are being violated.

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