Some thoughts about recovery. * Take what you like and leave the rest.
“There’s a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationshipsuse,” said one recovering woman. “The other person doessomething inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feelguilty and end up apologizing.”
It’s imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.
Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues.Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violatesour boundaries. We challenge the behavior and the person getsangry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.
Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be inour best interests, and in other people’s best interests. Guilt canstop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.
We don’t have to let others count on the fact that we’ll always feelguilty. We don’t have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt –earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt thatholds us back from self-care. Push. Push harder. We are not atfault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and toinsist on appropriate treatment. We can separate another’s issuesfrom our issues, and let the person experience the consequences ofhis or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves toknow when our boundaries are being violated.
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