TOLERANCE:

Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what hurts
us. We may endure a particular situation, telling ourselves
repeatedly it's not that bad; we shouldn't be so demanding;
it'll change any day; we should be able to live with it; it
doesn't annoy us; the other person didn't really mean it; it

doesn't hurt; maybe it's just us.

Often we will tolerate too much or so much that we become
furious and refuse to tolerate any more.

We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy boundaries and trusting
ourselves to own our power with people. We can
work at shortening the time between identifying a need to
set a boundary, and taking clear, direct action.

We aren't crazy. Some behaviors really do bug us. Some
behaviors really are inappropriate, annoying, hurtful, or
abusive.

We don't have to feel guilty or apologize or explain
ourselves after we've set a boundary. We can learn to
accept the awkwardness and discomfort of setting
boundaries with people. We can establish our rights to
have these limits. We can give the other person room to
have and explore his or her feelings; we can give
ourselves room to have our feelings – as we struggle to
own our power and create good, working relationships.

Once we can trust our ability to take care of ourselves,
we will develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others.

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