CONFLICTS:

Problems and conflicts are part of life and relationships –
with friends, family, loved ones, and at work.

Not being willing to tackle and solve problems in
relationships leads to unresolved feelings of anger and
victimization, terminated relationships, unresolved problems,
and power plays that intensify the problem and waste time
and energy.

Some problems with people cannot be worked out in
mutually satisfactory ways. Sometimes the problem is a
boundary issue we have, and there is not room to negotiate.
In that case, we need to clearly understand what we want
and need and what our bottom line is.

Some problems with people, though, can be worked out,
worked through, and satisfactorily negotiated.

To negotiate problems, we must be willing to identify the
problem, let go of blame and shame, and focus on possible
creative solutions.

We need to learn to identify what both people really want
and need and the different possibilities for working it out. We
can learn to be flexible without being to flexible. Committed,
intimate relationships mean two people are learning to work
together through their problems and conflicts in ways that
work in both people's best interest.

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