LOVE, IN WORDS AND ACTIONS:

Many of us were loved and cared for by people
who had discrepancies between what they said
and did.

We may have had a mother or father who said,
"I love you" to us, and then abandoned or
neglected us, giving us confused ideas about
love.

Some of us may have been cared for by people
who provided for our needs and said they loved
us, but simultaneously abused or mistreated us.

We may learn to love others or ourselves the
way we have been loved, or we may let others
love us the way we have been loved. It's time to
let our needs be met in ways that actually work.
Unhealthy love may meet some surface needs,
but not our need to be loved.

We can come to expect congruency in behavior
from others. We can diminish the impact of
words alone and insist that behavior and words
match.

We can find the courage, when appropriate, to
confront discrepancies in words and actions
– not to shame, blame, or find fault, but to help
us stay in touch with reality and with our needs.

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