GUILT:

“There’s a good trick that people in dysfunctional
relationships use,” said one recovering woman. “The other
person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands
there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing.”

It’s imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.

Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our
issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some
way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior and
the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.

Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would
be in our best interests, and in other people’s best interests.
Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.

We don’t have to let others count on the fact that we’ll
always feel guilty. We don’t have to allow ourselves to be
controlled by guilt – earned or unearned! We can break
through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self-care.
Push. Push harder. We are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We
have a right to set boundaries and to insist on appropriate
treatment. We can separate another’s issues from our issues,
and let the person experience the consequences of his or her
own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know
when our boundaries are being violated.

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