Sunday, May 26, 2013

GRIEF PROCESS:




To let ourselves wholly grieve our losses is how we
surrender to the process of life and recovery. Some
experts, call the Twelve Steps "a program for dealing
with our losses, a program for dealing with our grief."

How do we grieve? Awkwardly. Imperfectly. Usually
with a great deal of resistance. Often with anger and
attempts to negotiate.

The grief process, is a five-stage process: denial,
anger, bargaining, sadness, and, finally, acceptance.
That's how we grieve; that's how we accept; that's
how we forgive; that's how we respond to the many
changes life throws our way.

Although this five-step process looks tidy on
paper, it is not tidy in life. We do not move through it
in a compartmentalized manner. We usually flounder
through, kicking and screaming, with much
back-and-forth movement – until we reach that
peace state called acceptance.

When we talk about "unfinished business" from our
past, we are usually referring to losses about which
we have not completed grieving, We're talking about
being stuck somewhere in the grief process. Usually,
for adult children and codependents, the place where
we become stuck is denial. Passing through denial is
the first and most dangerous stage of grieving, but it
is also the first step toward acceptance.

We can learn to understand the grief process and
how it applies to recovery. Even good changes in
recovery can bring loss and, consequently, grief.
We can learn to help ourselves and others by
understanding and becoming familiar with this
process. We can learn to fully grieve our losses,
feel our pain, accept, and forgive, so we can feel
joy and love.

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