CONFLICTS:

Problems and conflicts are part of life
and relationships – with friends,
family, loved ones, and at work.

Not being willing to tackle and solve
problems in relationships leads to

unresolved feelings of anger and
victimization, terminated relationships,

unresolved problems, and power plays
that intensify the problem and waste
time and energy.

Some problems with people cannot be
worked out in mutually satisfactory
ways. Sometimes the problem is a
boundary issue we have, and there is
not room to negotiate. In that case, we
need to clearly understand what we
want and need and what our bottom
line is.

Some problems with people, though,
can be worked out, worked through,
and satisfactorily negotiated.

To negotiate problems, we must be
willing to identify the problem, let go
of blame and shame, and focus on
possible creative solutions.

We need to learn to identify what both
people really want and need and the

different possibilities for working it
out. We can learn to be flexible
without being to flexible. Committed,
intimate relationships mean two
people are learning to work together
through their problems and conflicts
in ways that work in both people's
best interest.

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