LOVE, IN WORDS AND ACTIONS:

Many of us were loved and cared for
by people who had discrepancies
between what they said and did.

We may have had a mother or father
who said, "I love you" to us, and then

abandoned or neglected us, giving us
confused ideas about love.

Some of us may have been cared for
by people who provided for our needs
and said they loved us, but
simultaneously abused or mistreated
us.

We may learn to love others or
ourselves the way we have been loved,
or we may let others love us the way
we have been loved. It's time to let our
needs be met in ways that actually
work. Unhealthy love may meet some
surface needs, but not our need to be
loved.

We can come to expect congruency in
behavior from others. We can diminish
the impact of words alone and insist
that behavior and words match.

We can find the courage, when
appropriate, to confront discrepancies
in words and actions – not to shame,
blame, or find fault, but to help us stay
in touch with reality and with our
needs.

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