GUILT:

“There’s a good trick that people in
dysfunctional relationships use,” said one
recovering woman. “The other person does
something inappropriate or wrong, then
stands there until you feel guilty and end up
apologizing.”

It’s imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.

Much of the time, the things we feel guilty
about are not our issues. Another person
behaves inappropriately or in some way
violates our boundaries. We challenge the
behavior and the person gets angry and
defensive. Then we feel guilty.

Guilt can prevent us from setting the
boundaries that would be in our best
interests, and in other people’s best interests.
Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care
of ourselves.

We don’t have to let others count on the fact
that we’ll always feel guilty. We don’t have
to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt
– earned or unearned! We can break through
the barrier of guilt that holds us back from
self-care. Push. Push harder. We are not at
fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set
boundaries and to insist on appropriate
treatment. We can separate another’s issues
from our issues, and let the person experience
the consequences of his or her own behavior,
including guilt. We can trust ourselves to
know when our boundaries are being
violated.

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